What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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