my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
