This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
