i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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