what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
