my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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