The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
