i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
