bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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