I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
