he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
