She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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