I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
