drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
