why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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