I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
