A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
