I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
