my phone needs a breathalizer
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
