he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
