I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
