So drunk its hurt
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
