Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
