Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
