Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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