I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
