My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
