Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
