so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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