i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
