dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
