chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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