3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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