Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
