yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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