did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Green mimosas i think yes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize