Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I met the friendliest cop last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
