For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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