Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize