After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
