Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
