i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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