just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
