wakey wakey hands off snakey
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
