Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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