just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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