Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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