Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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