apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
