For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
