my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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