You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
