dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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