I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize