so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
