Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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