HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I will pee on everything he values.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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