I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
