So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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