I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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