There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
