That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
