I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize