I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
