youre lurking in front of me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
