margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My friends, they love my intelligence
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
