Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
