I think my vagina is haunted
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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