It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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