i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize