Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
