mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
