In the future we'll all be gay
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
