You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
