I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
