In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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