he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
