I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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