Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize