guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
