his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
