Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
