My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bring me that man meat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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