Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
love makes seman taste better
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
