I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
