i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
