Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
