Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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