so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
