i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize