just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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