idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
