I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You ate ashes out of my bong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
