i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
