I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
