Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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