Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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