I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
