the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
