It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
