Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
