man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think a kid would responsible me up
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
