i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
