My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
