it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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