her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize