Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
